


Five Times Bernie Returned

by girlflungoutofspace



Category: Holby City
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-28
Updated: 2016-10-03
Packaged: 2018-08-18 06:23:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,308
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8152190
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/girlflungoutofspace/pseuds/girlflungoutofspace
Summary: A five part series of Bernie's return from the Ukraine and back to Serena





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I haven't written fanfiction for many years (I used to write for Bering and Wells quite poorly) but Berena has consumed my waking hours so I'm gonna give it a stab again, please let me know your thoughts.

 

Doorstep

 

It had been 6 weeks, 5 days and 20 hours. Not that Serena had been counting, it was pathetic, she knew that. When Bernie had walked out of the doors of AAU Serena started by blaming herself.

 

‘You stupid, stupid, stupid idiot’…

 

Then she blamed Bernie,

 

‘How could she do this? Who did she think she took her for? Some weak willed, whining, pathetic wisp of a woman, who didn’t know her own mind? How dare she? How bloody dare she?’…

 

Then she blamed fate,

 

‘The timing had been wrong, she had always been unlucky, look at her marriage look at Robbie, the gods just had it in for her and that was that.’

 

After a few weeks she lost the energy to blame anyone. Her anger at herself, Bernie and the world fizzled out until she didn’t know what to feel anymore.

 

And then came the worst part, without the anger there was only emptiness, deep saddening, desolate emptiness, like the bottle in her hand as she sat on her living room sofa, drowning her despair in her usual fashion.

 

6 weeks 5 day’s and 21 hours…

 

Jason was staying with Alan, Serena didn’t want him to see what she had become, it wasn’t fair on him and look at her, an entire bottle of shiraz demolished in 15 minutes, she was hardly the responsible care giver.

 

She debated opening another bottle, but decided against it, electing for a night of tossing and turning to the thoughts of brown eyes and golden hair, rather than the blackout, dreamless sleep and the migraine in the morning.

 

Picking up the empty bottle and glass she moved towards the kitchen when she heard a knock at her front door.

 

Probably Jason. She had promised him a game of scrabble at some point and he was inclined to show up of an evening, unannounced.

 

Making a u-turn she opened the front door bottle tucked beneath her arm, glass still in her hand. The figure in the doorway knocked the breath from her lungs.

 

Berenice Wolfe, and suitcase.

 

The same messy blonde curls, deep brown eyes, long graceful neck, delicate collarbone and trembling long fingers that Serena had been imaging for the past 6 weeks 5 days 21 hours and 13 minutes.

 

Bernie’s eyes studied her shoes ‘I came back’

 

Serena attempted to form a sentence her brain not quite caught up with the present moment, it wouldn’t have surprised her if the real Serena was passed out on the couch and this was just another cruel and vivid dream her imagination had concocted to torture her. But as the fresh smell of jasmine, coffee and stale cigarettes hit her Serena knew that not even _her_ merciless imagination could be this detailed. Suddenly aware of her disheveled appearance, Serena, clearly flustered, placed her glass and bottle on the carpet and tied her robe tightly against the autumn air.

 

‘I know it was meant to be 8 months but I…’ Bernie stopped herself her eyes moving from her shoes to Serena who had now collected herself.

 

‘And I know you probably don’t want me here and you probably hate me but I couldn’t think of anywhere else to - ’

 

‘Enough!’

 

There was a silence as Bernie, stopped dead in her tracks shocked by Serena’s outburst.

 

‘I don’t hate you’

 

Bernie’s eyes glowed with hope.

 

‘I did for a while, I hated myself too, I hated everyone but most of all I hated that I trusted you’

 

‘I..’ Bernie began.

 

‘No, no I’m not done, I’ve had over 6 weeks to think about what I would say to you if you came back and I need’ her voice wavered. ‘I need to say this. I know why you left, that bullshit about not hurting me and making sure I knew what I wanted. I know why, and it makes sense _now,_ but you could have called. You could have written. I thought that first and foremost we were colleagues, friends. I didn’t have to go cold turkey to realise I needed you, the occasional text message wouldn’t have hurt.’

 

‘You’re right I - ’ The pain in Bernie’s face and the soft timbre of her voice almost tempted Serena to let her continue but she wasn’t finished.

 

‘Hell yes I’m right, and no, no I don’t hate you but I am hurt, and I am angry and worst of all I still want you.’

 

Hope swelled again in Bernie’s eyes the tremble in her hands traveling through her entire body.

 

‘and I still love you’

 

Bernie let out a shuddering breath she didn’t realise she was holding as her torso collapsed a little in relief and her eyes filled with tears.

 

‘I loved you before you left Bern, I just needed some time to let myself come to terms with my feelings, realise what that meant for my life, Jason’s life, our life together, and you didn’t need to be halfway across the bloody world for me to figure it all out. I could have done it by your side.’

 

Bernie took a step forward off of the doorstep and into the house leaving her bag behind her. She took Serena’s face in her hands stroking her cheeks delicately with her thumbs. Her hands were freezing but Serena barely noticed, the feeling of Bernie’s skin against hers would always feel hot and prickling like static electricity igniting between them.

 

‘I love you Serena’ Bernie smiled broadly but her brow furrowed at her next thought.

 

‘And I will never forgive myself for what I’ve done to you, I haven’t got an excuse other than cowardice, but I will do anything to make you trust me again.’

 

Serena’s arms wrapped around Bernie’s waist underneath her coat, the sensation of her itchy jumper beneath her hands was complete perfection.

 

‘Just stay’

 

And in less that a breath, Serena was swept tightly into Bernie’s grip. Her hands reaching for the back of Bernie’s soft curls as their mouths met knocking over the empty wine bottle on the ground, as she stumbled backwards at the impact.

 

Serena hadn’t forgotten Bernie’s softness, the warmth of her tongue or the delicate slide of her lips against her own, but her memories were but a mere shadow in comparison to this moment. She panted as they parted, her smile reaching her eyes for the first time since Bernie’s departure.

 

‘Can I?’ Bernie motioned to the hallway.

 

‘Yes, yes of course’ Serena grasped Bernie’s hand.

 

‘It’s been 6 weeks 5 days 21 hours and…’ Serena looked to her watch

’…24 minutes. We’ve got a lot to discuss’

 

 

THE END


	2. Office

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 'Bernie adjusted herself in her seat, wiped her tears from her cheeks, and pulled the belt buckle across her body. Turning the keys in the ignition her hand hovered over the gears.'......

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Second instalment, hope you all enjoy it x

Office

‘You stupid, stupid coward’.

 

Bernie let her head fall into her hands as she sat in the front seat of her car. What was she thinking? Here was this wonderful woman, intelligent, beautiful, magnificent, and more to the point she wanted Bernie, and Bernie couldn’t deny her want in return.

 

‘If I wasn’t such a fucking time bomb.’

 

Why did she have to ruin everything, her marriage, her children, poor Alex’s heart and now Serena? The person she had promised herself she would never hurt. The person she had restrained herself from brushing hands with, or gazing at for fear of scaring her away, and now she had done this. Pushed her away for good all because of her idiotic cowardice.

 

What good was she to Serena anyway? Surely she’d be better off if Bernie _was_ half way across the world. Then Serena could do the sensible thing, sever all emotional ties with Bernie and find someone far better, far more appropriate, far more loveable, and far less destructive than Berenice Wolfe.

 

Yes this was the right thing to do.

 

Bernie adjusted herself in her seat, wiped her tears from her cheeks, and pulled the belt buckle across her body. Turning the keys in the ignition her hand hovered over the gears. All at once Bernie froze, she found herself unable to put her car into reverse, unable to move her hand at all.

 

What was she doing?

 

This isn’t what she wanted. Why was she trying to tell herself otherwise? Ukraine for fucks sake, it was hardly somewhere she had dreamed of visiting and her life, at Holby, her relationship, partnership and ‘whatever else’ with Serena. That was what made her happy. How much longer could she hide in excuses of causing pain when it was herself she was truly afraid of hurting. What was it people said ‘No risk, no gain.’

 

Her hand began to move now, hesitantly towards the car door handle. The thought of Serena’s eyes, her trembling lips, the feeling of the short hair at the back of her neck as she pulled her into a kiss. The way Serena said her name…the way Serena hinted at falling in love. These were the thoughts Bernie filled her mind with, these were the thoughts that would get her out of this bloody car and into Serena’s office and, she could only hope, her arms.

 

‘Fuck it’. The belt buckle clicked open. The car door slammed.

 

 

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

‘You stupid, stupid idiot’

Serena let her head fall into her hands as she sat at the desk of her no longer shared office.

 

How could she let herself do this, scare Bernie off so quickly? What was she thinking ‘I’ve fallen in love before, I recognize the symptoms’ she may as well have got down on one bloody knee. This had never happened before, not with Edward and certainly not with Robbie, this uncontrollable wave of emotions taking over her mind and body and letting her mouth spew out whatever the fuck it wanted.

 

What had happened to her self-control?

 

Bernie had gotten her hands on it, that’s what. Everything she did, everything she had though of these past 2 weeks had been connected to Bernie, from which washing powder would make her clothes smell more like Bernie, to whether Bernie was awake at 4am too, thinking of her. Her consciousness had been kidnapped and in fact so had her un-consciousness. In every dream were glimmers of golden hair, dark eyes, that ridiculous laugh and the smell of whisky and cigarettes. Even in sleep she couldn’t escape her.

 

And now she was gone…

 

To bloody Ukraine.

 

She’d never be able to forgive that damn country or any of its inhabitants. She was already jealous of every Ukrainian patient who would get to look at Bernie to hear her voice, just to be in the same room as her gave Serena goose bumps.

 

How had she become this pining teenager in under a month, it was laughable really, the effect Bernie could have on her, the deep despair and grief she felt at her loss. It was like something out of those sappy romance novels she shunned.

 

It was time she pulled herself together. Back to good old British reserve.

 

Bernie was gone and she wasn’t coming back and somehow she would have to carry on. Rising from her chair she wiped her eyes, caring little about the likelihood of mascara tracks, and shrugged on her coat. Her body all ready weary from her tears she headed for the office door.

 

Pulling it open she wasn’t prepared for the sight in front of her, a flushed and panting Bernie Wolfe.

 

‘I ran from the car park’

 

‘I see’

 

Serena was dumbstruck, Bernie had come back, and she looked as glorious as ever. Her skin was pink with exertion, her hair windswept and her eyes dark and full of need.

‘I couldn’t leave…the thing is, I don’t know if you know what you want, all I know is that I know what I want…Is this making any sense?’

 

‘I think so…’ Serena felt hope rise within her.

 

‘What I’m trying to say is, I want you Serena. I want you more than I have wanted anything or anyone, and I don’t just care about you I…’

 

‘Yes?’ she pressed Bernie on

 

‘I am falling in love with you, and I don’t want to run from that. I’ve been hiding my whole like but I can’t hide from this from you. If you tell me to leave, I’ll go, but I couldn’t get on that plane knowing that there’s a chance that you do want me.’

 

‘Then don’t’ Serena blurted out.

 

‘Don’t what?’

 

‘Don’t leave. Stay here, with me. We can figure this whole thing out together.’

 

‘You’re sure’ Bernie took a step into the office reducing the space between them till their arms were brushing.

 

‘I’m certain. I know what I want Bernie. I want this, you here. I want to save patients with you, crack jokes with you, tease you, be with you when you need support and come to you when I need yours. I want to brush my hands against yours in the hallways, I want to fill up with nervousness when you wear that white shirt and God damn it I don’t want that kiss in this office to be our last.’

 

Bernie lips broke into an uncontrollable grin as sheer joy filled her soul.

 

‘You’re remarkable’ she whispered as she threaded her fingers through Serena’s hair and down to her shoulder.

 

‘So does the offer of dinner still stand?’ Serena asked as she moved ever closer to Bernie resting her hands on her waist.

 

‘Dinner?’

 

‘At your place. Tonight’

 

‘Yes…Oh God yes’ Bernie replied as she leaned forward resting her forehead against Serena’s enjoying the sensation of her Serena’s breath against her face.

 

‘We should probably take your car though’ Bernie said as she pulled away a little.

 

‘Why’s that?’ Serena’s brow furrowed in confusion.

 

‘Mine’s probably been nicked. I ran so fast to get to you I left the doors unlocked and the key in the ignition.’

 

Smiling Serena took Bernie’s hand.

 

‘Come on then’

 

 

 

THE END

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading. Please send me any improvements, anything you think is OOC and any requests I love feedback x

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading guys!!


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